Los Angeles is one of the worst places to look for an apartment. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that I would end up with the biggest pain in my ass: ah the dreaded hunt for an apartment in good ol’ HELL A, ohh I mean LA. Don’t get me wrong, it may seem like an easy task to find a decent place to call home, but between the over priced monthly rent and shitty amenities, I feel like finding the perfect or near to perfect apartment is like looking for a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Because my college is smack dab in the middle of busy downtown, my parents’ safest bet was to send me to student housing for a 3 month trial period. I agreed and my parents sent off my $2,800+ check off to student housing. It seemed like a good idea at first, sending off their little baby into some student friendly environment. My parents could rest assured that I would be safe and happy in my new home. We packed ass in the van and I was off to college living.

For 3 months, it was like I was paying almost a grand for a 2 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment, split among 4 people, meaning 2 to a room. Yay for the tiny ass kitchen, living room, and a barely there dining room. Are you fucking kidding me? 850 square feet for 4 college kids was hell. I loved my roommates but it was insanely tight quarters. Although all the living expenses were paid for, it wasn’t worth it. The only thing that was worth it was living directly across from school campus.

After getting out of the hell hole of student housing, I found myself where I currently reside now. Since getting out of student housing was our main priority, we only did a little bit of research and found a place that we thought was just amazing. It had great amenities, and the place was super clean. The granite counter tops and stainless steel appliances were calling our names. It was close to downtown and close to Hollywood. We signed a lease 3 days after we found the place.

Now that I’ve lived there for 5 months I’m ready to get the hell outta there. Yes, how did you know that I love walking out of my car and seeing the walkway to the elevator filled with wildlife? Dead cockroaches line the dim lit pathway to the shifty elevator, the elevator that works only a few days out of the month. Maybe when you’re making a trip up the dirty stairs you may run into your neighbor, lovely neighbors that speak little English, the ones that block the entrance to the parking when they’re leaving for their late night booty call. You may also find yourself running into the neighbors who like to keep all the windows open so everyone can hear them having sex at 3am (thanks asshole).

Oh boy, the view is BEAUTIFUL. Waking up to the view of the convalescent home across the street is wonderful. I love that constant reminder that one day I, too, will be old. Talk about a balcony view! I do enjoy living in a cave with only 2 small windows, both of which when you open them display your room to the outside world. How did they know that I’m a vampire and hate the sun? Why the hell would ANYONE want to live on the first floor? Why I agreed to such bullshit, I don’t know.

At least the maintenance is quick on their toes. They did come and fix the sink when the third floor royally fucked over our garbage disposal, leaving our apartment smelling like the asshole of a really sweaty dog. Thank you for denying my 2 requests to spray for bugs and decide to respond to the flooded sink and soaked carpet.

Now I’m on the hunt again, looking for a place that won’t make me hate myself for picking a shitty place to call home. I’m crossing my fingers that I don’t end up with a place that looks nice the first month, and gets more unappealing as time goes by.

If you find yourself looking to look into a place, especially in Los Angeles, do your research! Look around, and spend a lot of time weighing your options. Don’t be fooled by all the amenities they may offer. You might not even need all that extra crap they have. Nobody wants to have to lug 2 loads of laundry down the stairs. Spring for something that has everything you need and if you’re going to settle, make sure it’ll be worth it in the end.

(Or you’ll end up with an apartment like mine, flooded sinks and 2 emergency calls to maintenance, 3rd time since we moved in. C’MON MAN!)