By Manuel Carrillo III

Tell me, in what decade are we living? I’d bet you can’t answer that question.

The 1980s years were called was called “the eighties”. The 1990s years were called “the nineties”. What do you call this decade, “the zeroes”? I have been living in this era for nine years and I still haven’t heard a definitive term for it.

Most of the time, people refer to this first part of the century as “the two-thousands”; however, 2085, 2656 and star date 2987 will also be a part of the two-thousands.

You see, each decade that was here before our current one had a well-defined identity with an accepted name, but as one of the first articles you will ever see taking a look back at 2000 to 2009, from my analysis, it seems this decade was merely an extension of the nineties … the reason for that? Nobody knows what to call these first ten years.

Look at the difference between the ‘70s and ‘80s – huge difference – same with the ‘80s and ‘90s. But the ‘90s compared to now: somewhat perceptible change, I guess … modest at best.

For instance, I’ve been to a couple of ‘90s-themed parties in the past 18 months, and unless people were wearing stuff that out-of-date ‘90s people would have worn, the look wasn’t that shocking. At these ’90s galas, girls wore their hair extra-large. Guys wore neon oversized top-frame-only Oakley’s with rolled up t-shirt sleeves. Both were really copying a style that started in the late ‘80s.

The ‘90s grunge look is different from today’s styles, but not shockingly different enough for us to make fun of it. What is shocking is how people in the ‘90s would take the bottom front edge of their t-shirts and tie them in a knot. It looked like everyone was running around with their appendix wrapped in cotton hanging off their abdomen. That’s one of the few things you can make fun of from the ‘90s, and that’s because, since then, this decade hasn’t changed much visually.

Take TV for instance. Let’s say Larry King is showing interviews from ’95 and ’05: minor difference. ’95 and ’85: WHOA! This decade really was an extension of the ‘90s. See how powerful a simple title is?

But it’s tragic this decade never really had its own identity. So much has happened since the nineties. September 11^th, the Bush Administration, The Obama Administration, the dot-com bust, the Great Recession, the iPod, the Blackberry, the blog, reality TV’s takeover – yep, all that stuff happened in the ‘00s (“the double-ohs”), except, when written that way, you’re really only saying the year 2000. Confusing, I tell you.

Here’s something that has become popular in these past 10 years: Urban Dictionary and it’s about to solve a major problem. According to UrbanDictionary.com and some genius named Nick Adams who submitted the entry on what to call this decade, the official term for the first ten years of a century is “the oughties”. It works for every one of the past 10 years and it is absolutely the best way to refer to them.

This name originates from the old way of saying “zero”.

“Yes, back in ought two I gave her a wet Willy in her daylily.”

“It was ought seven when your mother told me she wanted me snipped.”

See, it works! Especially when spoken in a British accent.

“The zeroes”, nope; “the ohs”, nah ah; “the oh-ties” or “the zero-ties”, not a chance; it’s all about “the oughties”.

Imagine: it took all the way to ought seven for someone to post this on Urban Dictionary, and all the way to ought nine for me to post this on The Neave, effectively making this decade’s name popular. Now that we have solved this pressing issue, let’s get our progressiveness on.

Here’s to the next decade being radically different … by the way, it’ll be called “the tens”. Cheers.