What if I told you I’ve come across something that is more amazing and fascinating than Midget Rodeos? And we all know that Midget Rodeos are the most amazing thing ever? Something even more amazing than Sarah Palin not knowing that Africa was a continent? What I’m about to tell you is a phenomenon that’s sweeping over our nation. The event I speak of is…are you ready for it….CUDDLE PARTIES!!!!
That’s right! Cuddle Parties! These are actual parties where people get dressed up in their PJ’s and go to cuddle with one another. Now when I think of PJ parties, I think hot chicks at the Playboy mansion, champagne in the champagne room, and Eiffel Tower high-fiving ( some of you may get that, and for those of you who did…you’re welcome). I do not, however, think about the guy who plays Santa at the malls groping me from behind, telling me his uncle touched him when he was younger. I just don’t need that.
So why would someone go to a Cuddle Party? Well the good, and by good I mean fucking weird, people at www.oc-cuddle.com have this to say: ” It is an event for adults to get together and explore affectionate touching and communication without it becoming sexualized. At these events, we create the safe space to talk about and explore what our needs are as adults when it comes to affection, intimacy and welcomed touch. In other words, CUDDLING!”
So it’s not sexual…right. But what if I get an erection?
“At a Cuddle Party, erections become Mother Nature’s way of giving us the thumbs-up sign. Nothing is wrong. Nothing is dirty. Nothing is suspect. And as long as you’re not dry-humping anyone, it’s completely okay. Really!”
I couldn’t make that quote up even if I wanted to. I just think it’s great that I can freely walk around a party with a massive erection, lay it between someones legs, and tell them “it’s ok.. I’m not dry -humping you but this sure feels great” Now if you’re also wondering if there are rules to be followed…there are. There are 15 rules. Now try not to laugh before finishing all of them. Personally, numbers 3-5 are my favorite. And to further add a level of safety, there is also a Cuddle Lifeguard. (I can’t stop laughing)
1. Pajamas stay on the whole time.
2. No SEX. (Yep, you read that right.)
3a. Kissing and nuzzling, as well as other forms of touch, are allowed, but you must ask permission and receive a verbal YES before you touch anyone.
3b. You don’t have to cuddle anyone at a Cuddle Party, ever.
4. If you’re a yes, say YES. If you’re a no, say NO.
5. If you’re a maybe, say NO.
6. You are encouraged to change your mind from a yes to a no, or a no to a yes anytime you want.
7. NO DRY HUMPING!
8. If you’re in a relationship, communicate and set your boundaries and agreements BEFORE you go to the Cuddle Party. Don’t re-negotiate those agreements/boundaries during the Cuddle Party. (Trust us on this one.)
9. Get your Cuddle Lifeguard On Duty or Cuddle Caddy if there’s a concern, problem, or question or should you feel unsafe or need assistance with anything during the Cuddle Party.
10. Crying and giggling are both welcomed and encouraged.
11. Please be respectful of other people’s privacy when sharing with the outside world about Cuddle Parties and DO NOT GOSSIP.
12. Arrive on time.
13. Be hygienically savvy.
14. Keep the cuddle space tidy and pick up after yourself.
15. Always say thank you and practice good Cuddle Manners.
So take if from JohnnyD, if you’re looking to be groped from behind by mall Santa, while a massive erection is placed between your legs, and you have the urge to cry…..Cuddle Parties are the place for you… Oh and don’t forget to say Thank You for getting semi-sort-of- molested.
Author: JohnnyD
